Absorbing Life

It seems as if life it taking us for a ride these days.
I plan.
I plan a lot.
Yet I keep feeling like I'm playing catch-up.
We're pregnant again.
we. were. not. trying! 
Actually, we thought we were avoiding...
Yeah.
I've been told I "carry kids very well" and I was "made to have babies".
Easier said than done.
So...Lord willing, we will have three kids under three come the end of May.
May?!
If you know our family business at all, you know that my entire immediate and extended family dreads having babies this time of year!
Hubs and I had a "no-fly"zone that was intentionally to avoid such timing of a pregnancy.
You may be thinking "what a beautiful time of year! It represents birth and new beginnings"... well it's also the busiest time of year for our family.
Hubs average work hours during that time of year are 4:30 a.m. to 9 p.m.
This goes on for weeks.
Thankfully, babies sleep a lot during this time of year so all is not lost.
But still...
Three kids means that our favorite SUV will not longer suit our needs.
Enter the mini-van.

We got a van only because we need a van.
It's practical.
God has been very amazingly gracious and blessed us with a van that is in great condition and does more than we need it to.
It's growing on me, quickly.
Now we're faced with the fact of Hubs working and me with multiple little ones at home, we just don't have time or energy for our two puppies.
Our first babies.

Chesser and Mia were two of the very first things we brought into our married life.
It was our preparation for kids.
Apparently they prepared us a little too well!
However, we may need to give them up and that breaks our hearts.
It's just doesn't seem fair to keep them.
{deep sigh}
Next comes a house.
Thankfully, we don't have to rush on this one.
We are in an adorable "free-to-us" house that has served us incredibly well.
Again, God is amazingly gracious.
We can conceivably fit three kids in this house but when/if number four comes along, it's time to move along.
Baby number three just brings us that much closer to that decision.
Where did our plan go?!
Where did our life go?!
When did we lose control?!
When did I start having to think practically and push my feelings about things aside because in reality, there were bigger things to consider.
I had to hand over the keys to a car I loved.
A car that we already owned, had 113,000 miles on it, and would have given us many more.
I have to think practically about my pets.
My sweet, gentle, mild Mia...
I am already planning to spend a big chunk of the winter up in the attic sifting through all the necessary and unnecessary items we own to make room for all things practical.
Practical.
I'm starting to hate that word.
But all of this overwhelming stuff isn't all bad... hard...exhausting.

photo credit

I have recently learned that if I am able to plan and control every situation, no faith is required of me.
God becomes an afterthought.
"If I can't manage something, than I'll ask Him".
So, so wrong!
It's the times in life that I lose all hope of control and fall into the unknown that I am bless with the opportunity to feel the gentle net of his good, pleasing and perfect will enveloping me.
The net that was always there but I missed the pleasure of feeling because I was too busy planning.
Exhausting myself to stay afloat. 
I know it's there now, at this moment, in our lives.
And yet I don't find comfort in it
...yet.
I will.
With one decision to take a pregnancy test {solely to appease a nervous husband} our world feels as though is has dramatically changed.
At least it's going to.
Three small kids is not the end of the world.
My Oma had sixteen.
God has a plan.
It's a good one.
A really good one.
It's meant for our good.
I'll get there.
Maybe a few more rides around the block in the mini-van will ease my  mind.
Or some Oreos!

photo credit

mmm... oreos.

{WRITTEN SEPTEMBER 23, 2010 - 4 WEEKS AGO}