Guilty and Thankful for the Reminder!

"Mommy Wars" No More - We Lay Our Weapons Down 

by Sonja Piper Dosti

Painting Nails with Toddlers

Miss Mak is a girly girl to say the least.
This morning she asked to have her nails painted...
Of course Bean wanted in.
I obliged...
and quickly realized that there are a few good things to stick with when toddler nail painting...

Stick with sheers and "barely-there" colors for this age. Few things look consistently strange to me the way "adult" nail colors look on kids do. I put a super pale pink on Bean and immediately hated it. It was too much for her tiny toes and opted for a sheer instead.

Save yourself by only offering colors you're actually okay with. Thankfully Mak only likes the clear polish with pink sparkles. I let her pick it out while shopping one day which she loved. The sparkle one is an easy one to put on and I highly recommend a clear coat over top to keep the sparkles from being picked off when you aren't looking.

You don't have to paint EVERY nail. Miss Mak still sucks her thumb when she sleeps and the idea of nail polish in her mouth just grosses me out so we skipped her preferred digit.

Drying can be a pain if you have a fidgety kiddo.  Keeping the colors sheer helps with a quick drying time. If you've opted for a thicker color or your munchkin is super antsy, I hear you can dip their nails in cold water for three minutes and it will seal your work.

Make a "thing" of it. Both Mak and Bean seemed to enjoy watching Mommy do her nails (I HATE when I talk in third person!). I look forward to when the girls are a bit older, making a big "to-do" of being girly (watching a girly movie, putting weird stuff in your hear to make it smoother, using homemade facial masks) ... not because I want them to get caught up in aesthetics but because sometimes doing a little something extra can make you feel feminine and I want them to know the value of making yourself appealing to your husband. Thankfully, I have LOADS of time before we get to that part so for now, we paint.

Happy Tuesday, Ladies!

Proud to be Mean {Part II}

In case you need to be caught up, you can check back with Proud to be Mean {Part I} HERE.

So as I was saying... things were not going well with my two or three year olds. I tried to be patient. I tried to be "nice" though sometimes my attempts were fake because all I was doing was masking my true feelings in that moment. I got down to their level, physically, to be eye to eye with them and said things like "you're disobeying right now and you have a choice to obey or get a spank... go to your room... not go swimming... yadda, yadda, yadda..." I wanted to give them all the facts so that they could make informed decisions. You know what I found? The "nicer" and more patient I tried to be the worse it got and the more they whined.
It made no sense to me! I was doing everything I could to fix my kids' behavior, to be nice, to be friendly, everything I could think of to make them WANT to obey.

<Enter John Rosemond>
I was slapped in the face with some cold, hard facts about mistakes I was making.

Within the first few minutes of his seminar Rosemond told us that the problem with today's parents is that "they are looking for formulas when there are none". The problem that modern parents are having today is that their "expectations are not perfectly clear". 
I'm going to make my first stop right here...

When CJ was 4 months old Hubs and I began to use our own version of Babywise with our kids. The most memorable thing I took away from the series was a phrase "Start as you mean to go on." (Coincidentally, the only piece of marital advice that I remember being given was just about the same. "Don't do anything at the beginning of marriage that you don't plan to do for the rest of it {namely, breakfast in bed}.") In other words, the best way to be successful in your venture is to take the time to sit down and figure out what you want the end result to look like and make all of your decisions based on achieving that goal.
Hubs and I did this a long time ago. We discussed what values we believed are important to instill in our kids, how we want them to view and interact with others, and how we hope they will view God. What we didn't think to discuss was how we wanted them to view us; their parents.
Both of us came from homes with "tough" parents. I consider my parent's methods to be a bit more legalistic and "strict" than his but they appear to have been similar. My parents had anywhere from 4-8 kids in the home at a time, due to a previous marriage, and I have a younger brother {"Booger"} who was born with Cerebral Palsy who needed much of the family's time and attention. Hubs was raised in a home with just one younger sister so my upbringing had some natural restrictions and expectations that his did not. Obedience was not an option because there was no time for discussion and I heard the words "because I said so" more than I cared to.
I believe I came to our marriage and parenthood with a bias towards being "mean" but early on I was unable to explain why I had the expectations of obedience and respect other than "that's how I was raised" which made me an easy target for critics who thought I was unnecessarily mean, strict, abrupt, lacking compassion, etc.
I think it is because of the lack of clarity that I had that I began to slip into the idea of being our kids' friend. 
I heard and saw it everywhere. Moms all around me would get down to eye level with their kids and sweetly explain why Junior needed to "listen to mommy right now because that was the nice thing to do. Okay?" I slowly began to think that I needed to create a friendship built on love and mutual respect with our kids and that if my kids liked how I parented they would want obey, respect, and maybe even like me in return.
Looking back, I can think of a clear reason I should have known better...

Think back to your favorite teachers in school. 

Were they the ones who talked slowly and "below you" to be sure you understood? Did they repeat things several times in case you weren't paying attention or held your hand through the class all while trying to be "cool" by using your language and hanging out with you outside of class? 

My favorite teachers were ALWAYS the ones who expected the most of me and didn't let me take the easy way out. Thank you, Susan MacLeod, Kathryn Kay, Janice DeLong and Carolyn Towles! These women always held me to the highest standards not just in the classroom but in life. They simply did not accept "status quo" from me because they knew I was capable of more. These women did not hold my hand. They did not give me extra credit based on how hard I "tried". They did not curve my test scores so that I wouldn't feel bad. They gave me the scores I deserved and they were always willing to work with me if I came to them of my own accord. They always had time for me but they didn't do the work for me. I don't believe I will ever forget these women. 

As a parent, my job is not to be my kids' friend. God did not entrust these children into Hub's and my hands so that we could make them feel good about themselves or have high self esteem. God didn't even loan us these kids so that we could make them happy. NO! God gave us these precious lives to love, discipline, nurture, refine, mold, and shape so they could become Godly men and women who love God first and others second. He placed them into our care so we could train them how to be Godly husbands, wives, friends, sisters, brothers, neighbors, employees, bosses, and parents. The process of refining precious metals involves intense heat to remove impurities and the process of pottery involves "throwing", squeezing, pinching, and kneading to make the piece strong and useful. Why did I expect parenting a human being would be any simpler?

The problem was that I had slipped into the silliness that said that if I didn't make my kid happy or feel good about themselves then I was a bad mom. It wasn't a purposeful fall. It was a slow drifting away and what I was accomplishing was the opposite of what Hubs and I had set out to. My kids weren't happy because I wasn't expecting anything of them and I was getting angry a lot. Hubs was becoming stressed because I was stressed and coming home after work wasn't a treat, it was a chore. As for me... I was slowly losing my mind and feeling guilty.

* A note on how this affected Hubs and I...
Rosemond said something that cut deep about what is happening to modern-day marriages and why. I thought I was above this and immune but the following hits home...
Today's parents have become preoccupied with how their kids feel. (How happy they are. Their level of self-esteem.) This is how women have begun to take over their homes. If it is all about how our children feel about themselves then clearly women have the advantage over men because women work with a "box of 64 shades of emotions" while men are working from a "box of 8 and oftentimes more than one of those 8 'tips' have been left unused". This leads women/moms to become overwhelmed and in an attempt to "maintain control" they begin to micromanage their children AND their husbands. Sadly, men often respond by "rolling over" because it's not worth the daily battles and try to be their kids' buddies instead. 

Women, do not underestimate your power to emasculate your husband and take leadership of your home!

Part III is up next... I have given you the "What" and the "Why"... next is the "How"

 

Happy Weekend!

Proud to be Mean {Part I}

As I've said a couple of times already, the homeschool convention experience was exactly what I needed and it came exactly when I needed it!
God is good like that.
As I have also said, there's a great chance that the convention nearest you isn't just for homeschooling mom's but if you're a mom who ever...
- gets tired
- becomes frustrated
- feels overwhelmed
- feels inadequate
- compares herself to others
- feels pressure to keep up with the Jones'
- gets stressed
- micromanages their children and husbands
well then it just might be for you!

I want to share with you my current experiment that started from some advice I was given through a seminar by John Rosemond, author of Parenting by the Book and The Well-Behaved Child. I realize that if you've heard of him you may immediately think of what a ... well, let's just say "stickler" he can be because some of the adjectives passed around our house for him are a bit unflattering. In his writing and, as I recently experienced, in his classes, he can come across as a bit cold and unfeeling... "a typical, out-of-touch, male." However, despite how he sounds, his message is still well worth a listen and, to be honest, I agree with almost everything he says. {If you're tempted to write me off already and wait it out for another "how to" post, I ask that you just hear me out first.}

I must give you a bit of history in order for you to understand where I'm coming from today.
It was not long ago, maybe 9 months ago, that I considered myself a mean mom. I would define "mean" as in I was the type of mom who expected my son to do what I told without question and if I didn't feel like explaining to him why I wanted him to pick up his toys, then I didn't. We were often told that we had great kids and regularly overheard others talking about how well behaved our munchkins were, especially in restaurants. {I don't say that to brag. By no means! I simply mean to say that a year ago, that's how things went.}

About six months ago, I noticed changes and maturity in CJ that made it clear that he was able to understand concepts and comprehend ideas. He was beginning to connect ideas to get to the "why" and not just he "how" or "what" like before. I took this as my cue to begin explaining more to CJ because I thought he would benefit from understanding as he was absorbing everything like a sponge. I began to get caught up in making sure CJ understood EVERYTHING and this is where I made my mistake.
See... it sounds good. Teaching your curious three year old about butterflies and growing grass and seasons all sounds good. And it is. But when I say I helped him to understand EVERYTHING, that included things like "Why he should doesn't tell Mommy, 'No'.". "Why he has to go to his room until dinner." "Why he needs to pick up his toys when I tell him to". And you know what I began to do a lot of with him? Talk! I talked so much that I sometimes annoyed myself! He understood the concepts, alright. He understood what I wanted from him without problem. Still, that all sounds good, even to me, but what I also did was open the door for him to add his two cents in as well and THAT is where things started to fall apart for me.
His behavior around others, whether I was present or not, continued to be good. I have not once in his life had a complaint about his behavior. {Again, this is not to brag. It is to explain our situation with which we were working.} I noticed changes at home though. He would not listen as readily as he once did. He would question my reasons for telling him to pick up his toys and inform me that he did not want to with a constant string of "NO! No, no, no, no, NO!"s. He would whine constantly and for long stretches of time. He would collapse right then and there if he did not like what I told him, refuse to stand, scream, cry, and tell me "I don't want to!"

So clearly things weren't going well. My once well behaved kiddo was melting down daily and I, a usually cool-headed, got-it-together-momma was constantly fighting headaches (literal ones), annoyance, and anger towards CJ. To be frank, I just didn't like him. He was not enjoyable, he was not kind, and he was not pleasant. I blamed him, saying that his and my personalities were just too different. "He's just like his father", I would say in a matter-of-fact tone.

I tried to keep it together on the outside, lamenting with other moms about the "phase" that CJ was going through but inside I knew something was falling apart. Even Miss Mak was unhappier than usual and though it was easy to place blame on the kids I knew, deep down, it was more to do with me but I had no idea what that was.

Are you still with me? Are you feeling lost in parenting like I did?
You can read more about it in Part II HERE

I must remind you that this is all based on my personal experience so if you want technical explanations as to why this makes sense to me, pick up a copy of The Well Behaved Child, or borrow mine, where Rosemond does a bang-up job of clarifying.  

Tales of a Homeschool Convention Virgin {What Surprised Me}

As I mentioned last week, I attended a home school convention in Hartford, CT this weekend. If you're keeping track, CJ is going to be 4 in August. We sent him to preschool at the Christian school which I grew up in and have enrolled him in preschool again for this coming year. So why did I go? We are intending to start homeschooling CJ in kindergarten and I am a planner by nature and figure a sneak peak can't hurt. The main reason, though, is that the homeschooling world, if you are unfamiliar with it like me, is incredibly confusing! Words like "Living Books", "Sonlight", "classical education", and "unit studies" are passed around and are completely confounding even to a newbie like me with an degree in elementary education.
Imagine standing before an empty table and thirty-seven complete strangers come up to you with arms full of notebooks written in Mandarin and pile those books on the table and your only instruction is to pick out the notebooks you want to use to shape and mold the minds and hearts of your family for the rest of their lives.
Yeah, it feels something like that.
So that's why I decided to bring you along for the ride. If you are new to homeschooling, FANTASTIC!, so am I! I will share with you what I'm learning and hopefully alleviate some of the "overwhelming-ness" that makes you want to cry and quit before you even get started.

So, if all of that already has you quivering a little, I'll take it easy on you and just tell you of the reasons I was blessed and am incredibly thankful that I was able to attend this convention...

1. I didn't realize how much I have missed ongoing education. This was my favorite surprise of all. I noticed immediately that I was absorbing everything I saw, heard, and read like one of those sponges you buy at the store that quadruples in size when you wet it. I was so thirsty for knowledge...
real. applicable. knowledge.
I had no idea how badly I missed it because I have never been a brilliant student. I have always been average and completely underestimated my love of learning. I was a student once again and suddenly missed my college days not because they were the epitome of freedom and fun for me but because I was learning things that interested me from people who are experts in the field in one convenient location.
I no longer think that continuing education is just "nice" and "noble". I believe that it's beneficial and necessary.

2. I didn't realize that a lot of the seminars aimed at homeschooling moms are applicable to all moms and I dare say that I recommend that stay at home moms and working moms alike could glean something beneficial from this experience. My first handful of classes had tiles like "Exploding Supermom Myths" and "Lies Home School Moms Believe". I assumed those classes would be little support groups for homeschoolers but in reality they were reminders about keeping your marriage first and keeping the reality of being a mom in perspective. There were also classes on discipline like the one given by John Rosemond on "The Well Behaved Child" which had nothing to do with homeschooling at all. I urge you to look into conferences around you and to browse over their class schedule. I have yet to encounter any "Mom Conventions" so this may be a great chance for you if you need a time of refreshment

3. I didn't anticipate how honest everyone would be about what you're in for. For some very strange reason, it seems that the work of a homeschool mom is underestimated. Stay-at-home mom's may understand this too. Ever dealt with the lie that "if you don't work outside of the home you don't actually have a job" or how about the pressure and guilt that comes with staying at home and not having a spotless home with perfectly behaved children, always clean laundry, and no dishes in the sink? I mean seriously, whose reality is this?! Cause it certainly isn't ours! Moms, we have our days where it feels like it's all coming together but once you have been doing it long enough you know that you need to enjoy it but not get too excited over it because tomorrow is a new day and the mess will, inevitably, return! What everyone was very honest about is how homeschooling is a simple math problem...

take the occasional (or everyday) mess and chaos you may already have at home

ADD the weight and time of educating your child in the areas of math, science, reading, writing, history, geography, literature, and Bible... You know what that equals, right? LESS time, MORE mess, MORE personal sacrifice as a parent to make it happen. 

Is it daunting and easy to quit right here? You bet! Does God give you the grace to handle it if you let go of control, let go of the insignificant, and trust that you need to be carried, trained, taught, and disciplined by God just like your little ones will be by you? Absolutely!

4. I didn't anticipate feeling as spiritually refreshed as I did.  I went with one expectation... to answer at least one of my questions about homeschooling. I didn't even matter which one, just as long as I walked away from the weekend a little smarter than I started. I not only had questions answered that I didn't even know to ask, I was spiritually renewed in a way that I didn't realize I needed. Part of that may have been because I went "sans kiddos" and "sans friends". For the first time in ages I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted, and I was free to change my mind whenever I wanted. Boy, have I missed that! Also, like it or not, homeschooling is done by a lot of Christians and so Biblical encouragement is everywhere. {I say this with some confidence because I live in Connecticut where Jesus isn't a popular guy but even here, I heard the truths of God spoken at every turn.} God permeated the meetings and the people and it was beautiful.


5. I didn't realize the potential need to rent a Uhaul. Naturally, someone interested in homeschooling will be excited by the "one-stop-shopping" in the exhibit hall of a conference like this but the number of empty suitcases, rolling carts, and yes, Radio Flyer wagons may catch you off guard. I figured I'd be safe with my backpack but sure enough I walked out with two canvas bags that were given to me out of pity because a man saw me struggling with my arms full of books. 

6. The parking garage was packed with minivans but the denim jumpers and Keds were scarce. I was pleasantly surprised at the number of "normal" people I saw and met. {I thought for sure I would be the coolest person there due to the fact that I almost always wear jeans/shorts and am sporting a nose ring.} Sure, there were some skirts but heck, I wore one one day because it was more comfortable. I saw a few head coverings but in those three days and amongst the hundreds of people I passed, there may have been five total. I encountered real moms, real people, who came from all over New England, and they were normal, REAL people who like Starbucks just like me! {This goes for the speakers too.}

See... that wasn't so bad... YET!

I Needed To Hear This

CJ is 3.
CJ is hilarious.
CJ is witty.
CJ is smart.
CJ is handy.
CJ is curious.
CJ is nosey.
CJ is chatty.
CJ is exhausting.

Today I found this at Passionate Homemaking.
God is good to give us what we need just when we need it.

Thou Shalt Not Fear Me

Over the course of the the past two plus years of being a parent I have been constantly awed and intimidated by the task of parenting that has been placed before me. I've read books on parenting. I've read LOTS of books. Most of them have said things I already knew but needed to be reminded of. Things like "consistency is key", "put your marriage first", "remember that each child is different", "don't discipline out of anger" ...
Recently I was smacked in the face with one of those things that I've always known but didn't realize I wasn't doing.
I guess you could sum it up as a recent Facebook status I read
"Rules-relationship=rebellion while rules+relationship=respect"
{I might even change the first equation to "rules-relationship=resentment}.
If your confused, let me explain.

I've been working my way through a book by Tedd Tripp called "Shepherding a Child's Heart". I started it before Bean was born and haven't been able to pick it up much since then but one of the last sections I read resonated with me. In the chapter entitled "You're In Charge", Tripp explains that as a parent we cannot be afraid to parent our children. It's our God-ordained duty to be an authority in our childrens' lives. At the same time, and this is where I was convicted, we are not to raise our children to obey us out of fear. Rather, we must understand that we are agents of the Father.

I think as a Christian parent it's easy to say the words that my children are "on loan" from God.
When I start to worry about my kids {that they'll drown in a pool when no one is looking, that they'll choke on their dinner when they eat too quickly, that they'll run away or get lost and never be found} my best defense is to remind myself that my children are not my possessions but rather gifts that God has given to Hubs and I to train for His will/glory. I know that I don't always act like I believe this but when I start to worry about the safety of my kids it helps to remember who's in control.
It's also helpful to remember that they're not mine because... well... it's the truth. They are on loan and they have been hand picked to be in my life so that I can raise them in the fear of the Lord and it is my job to always direct them to Him. Always.
I forget that too often. I forget that it's not about me... obeying my orders...making me happy... bringing joy into my life...
Ultimately, it's about bringing God glory.
It's what's expected of my life, my every thought, word, deed. And that is exactly what I am expected to teach the children placed into my care.
Boy, did I need this reminder.
I needed to be refocused.

"Understanding that you function as God's agents can keep you sharply focused and humble as parents. It is sobering to realize that you correct your child by God's command. You stand before him as God's agent to show him his sin. Just as an ambassador is conscious of functioning in behalf of the country that has sent him, so the parent must be aware of the fact that he is God's representative to the child. I know of no realization that will sober and humble a parent like this one." - Tedd Tripp
And with that said, we have no right to be angry because when a sin is committed it isn't committed against us but rather God. {That fact should make our children struggle a little.}
I have shared my favorite definition of "anger" before ...
"Anger is your reaction when you haven't received something you think you deserve".
Often, as a parent, I believe I deserve things like unquestioning children, immediate action, things done on my schedule, perfect obedience, minimal distraction from what I want to be doing...
Often, when I don't get these things I get angry and impatient with my kids.
WRONG!

I was raised in a home that, I feel, often demanded obedience and when I didn't obey immediately, the yelling began. Looking back, I know that it was for the sake of intimidation. Looking back, even now, I see how ineffective it was and how resentful it made me. I knew from an early age I didn't want to intimidate or exhaust my kids and yet I've caught myself doing it already.  I was raised to obey out of fear of my parents and the consequences but I did not have an obedient heart..
So it rings true, rules without a relationships bring resentment or rebellion and that's bad news for my relationship with my kids.
As Tripp says, "there is no place for anger". This kind of parenting manipulates your child using "raw displays of anger" and your child "learns the fear of man, not the fear of God... If correction orbits around the parent who has been offended, then the focus will be venting anger or, perhaps, taking vengeance. The function is puntivie. If, however, correction orbits around God as the one offended, then the focus is restoration. The function is remedial. It is designed to move a child who has disobeyed God back to the path of obedience. It's corrective... The primary thrust of discipline is not to take revenge, but to correct. The discipline of a child is a parent refusing to be a willing party to his child's death." - Tripp

The lesson I'm learning:
Remember, at all times, what my job as a parent is. My job is to lead, direct, point my child to Jesus in all things. When I expect my kids to obey me using fear/intimidation, I am not fostering a relationship. Rather, I am instilling anger and resentment into them and when the time comes, they will not want to listen to the truth's of Christ, as heard from my mouth, and I will have lost my credibility.

Wow! This parenting stuff is A LOT of work!

Smart Solutions for Little Ones

My sweet friend, Laura {fondly known as "Paige Davis" in my book}, has a couple fantastic ideas for identification that I can't wait to steal for my little ones.
Check those out and other crafty ideas over at Our Portion.

Have a fantastic weekend!
I'll be potty training.
Whoopee.

a little bit of me... Part I

As I've mentioned to many of my local friends lately, I have been reading through a book called "The Mission of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson. I can safely say that this book, along with a few others I have read over the past few months, have been eye openers for me. I have wanted to share my heart with you all for a while now, I can't explain why, other than this blog has often been where I have come to "release"... so now, for a little more of me...

{photo credit}

About a year or so ago, Sweet Hubs and I discussed homeschooling our kids. I don't say that lightly. The reality is that Hubs is a product of the public school system and I attended a private Christian school for 13 years. Both of us have seen the products of homeschooling and, aside from one family I know well, we have been scared by its results. At first I thought we were terrible people because we thought everyone who came out of a homeschooling environment was... well... nerdy, lacking-social skills, awkward, uncomfortable, know-it-alls. {Rough, I know!} After reading what other mom's have to say about their home school experiences, though, I have seen that the stigma is most definitely a prevalent one and, though it has been known to be the case, that it doesn't have to be.

So again, after reading some of the books I have been reading, I have no doubt in my mind that that's what we'll be doing.

Why?
Are we running from the world and all it's evils? Yup. Kinda.
I worked in the local public schools as a substitute teacher and the word I heard misued the most was "tolerance". I have come to HATE that word. I did a couple of long term substitution in our town's elementary school, the one my children would attend if we let them. There was not an ounce of absolute truth to be found. The books were clean and new. The artwork was updated and impressive. The students were well behaved, for the most part. But the attitude of the staff was rude and selfish and so, so lost. I confirmed that I had nothing in common with most of the people who would be assigned to teach my children in their most impressionable years. They demanded respect and good behavior with no reasoning. Why respect others if they weren't created in God's image and if their heavenly Abba didn't love them? Why hold to any truths if everyone else's completely opposing truth was just as valid? I was so bogged down by the weight of how lost that school was that I determined there was no chance my children would attend that school and I explained that to Hubs right away. Despite the many programs for children with special needs, the wonderful test scores, and the well kept building, I was disgusted.
So what about the local Christian school I attended?
Well, for one, it's costly. I have full confidence in the staff and their ability to teach my children the truth's of God's word. I also feel the strong conviction that the best place for my childrens' education is my own home.
 
And what do I think I can offer to my kids?
My job... my personal interest... my long term goals... my concerns... are all for the children that the Lord placed into our care. As a mom, I already have the personal interest in my kids. It comes naturally. The desire to see them succeed in all areas of life was built into me when they were conceived. By the standards of compassion, love, concern, and expectations, I am more than qualified. I'm actually qualified by academic standards too since 1. I made it through four years of college and 2. those four years of college were spend getting a degree in elementary education {NOT that either of those are required to homeschool but I figured it would quiet the "nay-sayers"}.
I also have the time. I am currently a house-wife and a stay-at-home-mom. I know what I signed myself up for when I had CJ and Mak, and I know what I'm signing up for as Little Petey is growing in me {and kicking the desk I'm up against as we speak!}.
I have no intention of knowing what the Lord's plan is for you or any other family. Maybe you are unable to stay at home for financial reasons. Maybe you prefer the challenge of a career over full-time-mommyhood. I am speaking only to our family and what I know the Lord is calling us to.

Am I scared? 
Beyond belief. I know that to home school well, I will have to make many sacrifices of my personal time. I will be on call and accessible to my children ALL. THE. TIME! As a woman who was created with a very strong independent streak, I am curious as to how this will work out.
I will have to be purposeful in my planning. I will have lesson plans, yes, but to be affective, I can't just throw a coloring sheet at my kids and think I've done my job. I'll have to organize. I want to be the kind of teacher that lets my kids get their hands dirty and try new things and apply what they're learning in all areas of life. Yeah... no small task, indeed.
I'm also excited! I was raised in a home where I was allowed to travel a good bit. My dad traveled to visit members of his huge-normous family and often took me with him. I went on a few business trips with him too and was able to visit several factories and see how things are made and things are done. I've learned to love the processes of how things we use in daily life get to be what they are. I want my kids to see and experience those same things and that goes not only for tangible "stuff" but also for history.
One of the biggest things I learned from my teaching experience in schools is that the best way to learn something is by teaching it. You cannot be an affective teacher if you don't know your stuff. You have to study, learn and not just recite facts but understand the processes. I look forward to learning along with my kids and exploring things from the grand perspective that God created everything and God's perfect plan is in everything.

...and what about the risk of raising "nerds"?
As for the number one concern of everyone I know... I'm coming to the conclusion that socialization is a matter of how much work you put into it. I am currently surrounded by a group of women who love to get together with each other. Most of our kids are close in age so that means we tend to get together a lot. We are also a part of our local Community Bible Study which does not skimp on Biblical education for children. There are a handful of moms I talk with often who are already home schooling and several others who are starting to talk about it when their kids are of age. I am confident that the opportunities for my kids to hang with other kids their age will be plentiful. But I have also begun to realize that socialization with people of other ages, older and younger, is incredibly important. Through homeschooling I will have the freedom to use some of our time to interact with people of all ages. I am thrilled with the idea of getting my kids to practice their reading by reading to younger kids at church or in local schools or heck, with each other! I love the idea that I can bring my kids into a nursing home and have them interact with the elderly who not only crave attention from others but desperately need to be loved because they're so quickly forgotten. Together we can be the hands and feet of Christ by serving at the local soup kitchen. They can learn so much just by interacting with others! And even further reaching, I will have the rare opportunities to teach them about God's beauty and creativity by showing them his creation on walks in the woods around our home and even road trips to all kinds of places.
These are opportunities that may be accessible when children are in school systems but are far more difficult because you're working around other peoples' schedules.

I am realizing that I have just as much of a chance of raising adjusted, well-rounded, God serving children who have hearts for the Lord and His love for others as I do of having a self-serving, ignorant, and socially awkward child. It all depends on me.

Baby Girl Has a Cold

 " Without treatment, a common cold usually lasts about seven days; with treatment it will last about a week". - Dr. Robert Mendelsohn, author of How to Raise a Healthy Child... In Spite of Your Doctor

Sweet little Mak has been a fountain of boogies for a few days now and has a slight cough. Nothing major. I feel a bit of guilt since we stopped giving her all the immunizing goodies, through nursing, a couple weeks ago {my supply went way down with "Pete"}. Sadly, as many of you may have experienced, there isn't much you can give a munchkin under 12 months. Decongestants are out. Cough suppressants are out. Even honey is out. Thankfully, we've found a few remedies and Miss Mak is blissfully unaware of her condition.

Most of Miss Mak's issues involve clear mucus and a stuffy/runny nose. Before naptimes and bedtimes we've using a salt water mix {approx 1/2 c warm water with a pinch of salt} to loosen up her boogies. We use a syringe to drop a few drops and let them sit for 30-60 seconds then use that same syringe to GENTLY suck the mucus out. {How glorified is a mom's job?!} We then rub a small amount of coconut oil under her nose and on her chest and rub a couple of drops of eucalyptus oil on top of that.


Do: 
- give baby lots of clear liquids to loosen mucus
- run the shower very hot for a few minutes in a closed bathroom to create steam and play in the room with baby for 10-15 minutes to loosen congestion
- get vitamin C into their systems {watered down orange juice, broccoli, many tropical fruits, over-the-counter Tri-Vi-Sol, etc.}
- for kiddos over 12 months, offer a small spoonful of honey to soothe a cough {coughing isn't bad. it's the body's means of clearing out the mucus so I don't recommend this if there is mucus present in your child's lungs/throat}
- maintain a high level of humidity around you child


Avoid: 
- milk or anything creamy, it can create more mucus
- over-the-counter medications that will often just mask the symptoms{if specific symptoms are becoming severe, consider a medication that treats only that symptom you are concerned about}
- Vicks VapoRub. We found some scary potential side affects of using this stuff for little ones under two years and that goes for Baby Vicks too. In addition to it's strong affects that are unfriendly to little ones, this product is petroleum based as is petroleum jelly/Vaseline jelly.

**I am NOT a doctor. I'm just sharing what works for us. Do your own research and come to your own conclusions but I HIGHLY recommend Dr. Mendelsohn's book as a starting point.

"Asking Jane" via "Bloom"

I am not a big proponant of blog-perusing, at least not in an unbridled, uncontrolled manner. It's addictive. Trust me. I know. It's easy to get caught up in the fun of what others are doing and making. However, it's also very easy to waste time looking at what others are doing and run out of time to actually live your own life as well as allow the talents of others to discourage you because you don't share the same talents.
I know. I've been there too.
I have tried to make a point of visiting only a handful of blogs during the day and only when the kiddos are asleep. That way I don't skimp on my parental joys and Sweet Hubs doesn't feel ignored when he's home.

That being said, I recently stumbled onto Bloom, via another blog that I really enjoy, and it's all about mothering! What's not to love about that?! Bloom is pure encouragement to be the best mom you can be and to remember what's important about your life and your job of being a Mommy.
While skimming through a few of their posts, to get myself acquainted with Bloom's ideas and philosophies, I found this post and really wanted to share it.

Jane is a mother of 11 and has her own blog {who doesn't, right?!} called Asking Jane and she was so kind to share some of her wisdom and experience through this post at Bloom. Please, check it out and enjoy. 

Stay awhile at Bloom if you have the time. Lots of goodies to find there!

Meet Nichelle...

Miss Nichelle has been a good friend of mine {and many, many others}for the past couple of years. She is a fantastic, deeply invested mother of two {soon to be three} and a strong woman of faith with an impressive story. I, personally, have been a believer since I was a little one and still stand in awe of the wisdom that she posses as a new-er believer. Because of all this, and more, I asked Nichelle to share her story and she graciously accepted.

Enjoy!

Hi. Iʼm Nichelle. Iʼm 28 yrs old. Iʼm married to the love of my life, Anthony. We have been together for 9 yrs, married for 5 yrs. We have 2 beautiful daughters Alexa is 5 and Charlie is almost 3. We also have a bun in the oven which is due to come sometime in May 2011.

I was born and raised in southern California. Most of my life was in a small

town called Temecula. I went to Christian school most of elementary, but after we moved quickly learned we couldnʼt afford it anymore.

My parents divorced when I was14. My dad was an alcoholic up until about 8 yrs ago and died as a Christian about 6 yrs ago. I didn’t see him after my parents divorced until he was on his death bed. My mom took care of my brother, who is 4 yrs older than me, and me. She worked hard and struggled to provide for us, but she definitely did the best she could and I love her for that.

As a teenager I never really sought out church or Christianity but I did believed and prayed (in my time of need). I never did drugs, and didn’t drink until I was 18 yrs old. I guess at 18 I thought I was mature enough.

At 19 I met Anthony. This tattooed, pierced, long haired, metal head, who was very sarcastic, honest, confident and independent boy. At first I was not pleased with him but quickly became friends with him by hanging out and drinking with mutual friends. After awhile of hanging out I grew a crush on this cute boy. I still remember our first date. Boy did I fall head over heels for this boy. I learned quickly that he wasn’t just all the things I listed but also very sweet, romantic and loving. I think I fell in love with him the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. We moved in together 9 months later (March of 2002) so he could go to college. After school we stayed with a friend for awhile.
We got engaged Jan. 12th 2004 and bought a house in March.
I got pregnant in Oct (which is when I stopped drinking).
We got married Feb 26^th 2005 and had our first child Aug 14th 2005.

Our lives really changed right after our wedding.

 Alexa . 18 months

Anthonyʼs brother, Gabe, (who was a Christian) lived with us since shortly after buying our house. He would talk to Anthony about God a lot (usually after he would get home late at night and trying to avoid any party we may been having). The two of them would sit on the counter of our kitchen and get into heated debates both trying to point out their side. A little while before our wedding Anthony finally gave in and started going to a verse by verse study on Wednesday nights at Gabeʼs church (which I didnʼt know about cause I was working). Then a week after our wedding Anthony and Gabe invited me to attend church and without even thinking I said “yes” and went. The following week we went and the pastor did an alter call and, being the first, Anthony literally stepped forward and gave his life to God. I can still hear the band playing ʻHere I Am To Worshipʼ while the pastor prayed over Anthony and the two of us crying our eyes out. I donʼt know when I became a Christian but I do know I did always believe I just never followed.

On our way home neither of us spoke. I think we were both in an “ok, now what?” kind of thought. We got home and threw away all CDs, movies and alcohol and became involved in the church and became missionaries in July (a month before Alexa was born).

Anthony became involved with Student Venture which is an on campus ministry and was called to raise support so he could focus more on the students. I donʼt know why it never seemed crazy to me that my husband was quitting his job and going to raise support right before having a baby. Matthew 17:20 says if

we have faith as small as a mustard seed than we can move mountains. Iʼm not saying I have that much faith. But I know Anthony and thereʼs no way he wouldnʼt not provide for his family. Plus, Matthew 7:7-11...vs 9 “…Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he ask for a fish will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask.” This just proves not to me anxious or worried about anything. So I guess it’s always been easy for me to rely on Anthony, to have faith in him, and be supportive. I know his heart and itʼs after God so shouldnʼt my heart also be after Godʼs and following my husband. By Godʼs grace he has given us hearts to do ministry, to reach the lost and to spread the good news. Matthew 28:19-20 “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.”

So he did student Venture and a part time pastoral job until Feb 2008. Which is when we moved to Springfield, MA. Whereʼs that?!

Thatʼs what we thought when we first heard about it too.

So months before March around Oct 27th 2007, and a few days before our second child, Charlie, was due, we moved from the house we owned to a house we rented. We wanted something bigger and closer to his jobs. Then days after having Charlie we were approached by a friend to move to Springfield and help with a church. We always felt called to church plant, we just thought more like Northern California not on the other side of the map. After lots of prayer, talking, seeking, crying, etc. we decided to move.

Charlie . 18 months

I will tell you moving was probably the hardest thing Iʼve had to do.I had to leave my family (I have always found family to be very important) and they werenʼt supportive of us leaving. Friends. A city I know and love. I had to take my 2 year old and 4 month old to a place Iʼve never been to, heard of, or even know what to expect. How can a mom take her babies away from a good life to move into a bedroom. Literally when we first moved to Springfield we were all in one room of our friend’s apartment.

I clung to scripture.

Nothing can comfort you like God when you are in a place alone, nowhere to go, and not knowing anyone.

I really tried to just enjoy my time with my girls, while Anthony was trying to get a job, help at the church, etc, but I really was selfish just felt alone and sorry for my girls. There were a couple songs Jeremy Camp songs, “Revive Me” and “My Desire”, and the verse from Dueteronomy 33:27 “The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms. And he thrust out the enemy before you and said, Destroy!”, that really helped me to pull me out of the low place and made me realize Iʼm not here for me or for my girls. I am here to do Godʼs will not mine. Itʼs not about me.

It took me a couple months to really get it and about a year to come to really realize that I am here to stay and make this my home. We have had a difficult

journey at times, like our last house was on the second floor of a double family house. Our kitchen was barely a kitchen we had no oven or stove. Our bedroom didnʼt really even have flooring (we laid down a long carpet) and the heating didnʼt even really keep the second floor warm. The privacy was out the window cause our friend had his office on our floor too. But it was a home and our friend was nice enough to let us stay with him and even bought a building soon after we moved into their house and, as soon as Anthony could fix the third story apartment up, our friend allowed us to live there, Which is where we have been for about fifteen months now. In the first couple years we also did some church hopping to get to know other churches around here and have made some great friends over the time.

Things didnʼt really work out between our friend and the church we came here to start but we knew we were still here to start a church. So, a year ago we started The City Church. Starting a church is a lot more work than I could have imagined. Itʼs a slow process to get the word out about the church, to get people to come and even find help in so many things we didnʼt even know weʼd need help with.

Anthony's Ordination . May 2010

Most of the last year I have felt blessed that God has called us to reach his people and have been willing to go and do what He has called us to. He has provided and taken care of us in many ways that seem impossible. We have a had a place to live when we had no money. We have met friends that generously give the girls clothes as their kids grow out of them, free stuff for our house and random things that weʼve needed. We have also been blessed with random checks or donations right when we needed them most. I canʼt thank God or the people that have helped us enough, but itʼs a very humbling place when you live on a salary of support and actually need the help of others. So not only do we have to ask people, churches, organizations, etc. to support us and what we doing but we have to show them that we are actually doing it. Anthony works hard everyday working on his messages, reaching out to our congregation and people around us, making sure is family is provided for and taking time for us. He never really stops and he loves what he does, and itʼs really hard not to love him. I see the passion and drive God has given to him and I get inspired by it. I thank God that he has given me a husband that doesnʼt give up and doesnʼt get discouraged in hard times. I think God has really blessed us with each other. It seems as soon as one of us may be having a hard time God gives us the strength to up lift the other. Weʼve always been there for each other and find our marriage a blessing.

God is faithful that is for sure.

I also have been blessed to be able to stay home with my children. Even though at times when they want to go somewhere and we canʼt afford it or Anthony has the car I know they get sad, but I hope they will learn, as it has taken me time to learn, that life is about God. And they will see the good He has done instead of the hard times that we may have gone through. Honestly I think without the hard times we wouldnʼt be where we are today and so passionate about God.

Through planting the church we have lost some friends, grown distant with others and miss, like crazy, some of the friends we would see at the other churches we went to. The girls have also been affected by this but it helps us pull closer as a family and helps us understand the importance of life. We still try to stay in contact with as many as we can but it gets hard, at times, when thereʼs so many other things going on. We started homeschooling Alexa, building relationships with friends in The City church, and doing activities with and throughout the church.

So this is our journey we are still on a road of battle but we know the outcome is more beautiful, rewarding, encouraging and greater than what we deserve (eternal life). I also know what He has gone through for me and how can I not tell others of is great love and the gospel. The song “How Deep the Fatherʼs Love” comes to mind, if that song doesnʼt break you I donʼt know what will.

Charlie & Alex . 2010

So I pray the girls will understand the gospel and will have a great passion for God, more than I have, and serve him full-heartedly. I pray they find Godly men to marry. I pray God continues the drive the passion in my husbands. I pray we keep seeing Gods love so we can pour it out into our marriage, our children, the lost and the church. And when this journey is done I pray God will say He knew me, and “you have done well my good and faithful servant”, not because I am great but because I did all things for the glory of Him. 2 Timothy 4:1-7 vs 2 “Preach the word: be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with complete patience”...vs 5 “As for you, be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfilling your ministry”.

Thank you God for being my rock, my strength, my fortress, you are all I need

and I love you.

Do it For the Kids

I don't have much to say today. 

This post from 3 Boys and A Little Lady says it all.
The lightbulb went off for me.
I started practicing as soon as I read it.
I hope it moves you too.

Simple Ways to Show 'em You Love 'em

It is easy to get caught up in the daily routine and forget that sometimes "taking care" of your kiddos just means making sure they know you love them. I know that sometimes I get caught up in the daily grind and don't take advantage of my time with him. As good ol' DC Talk says it "Love is a Verb" so here are a few ideas for when you're in a dry spell of brilliant ways to tell your kids you love them without having to say it.

1. Go for a walk at their pace.
2. Sit down and read as many books as they want of their choosing.
3. Take them out for ice cream.
4. Set up a tent in the living room with blankets, chairs, pillows, whatever you have around.
5. Play with your kids. Don't just observe, get down on the floor with them.
6. Make a treasure hunt around the house or yard with a map and all.
7. Take them to the local petting zoo or pet store and explore the animals together.
8. Take them out on a date, just you and them.
9. Set aside and hour and head to the park.
10. Cook them their favorite meal.
11. Cook with them.
12. Sit down with them over cookies and milk and ask them how their day was.
13. Have their favorite snack out for them when they get home from school.
14. Hide notes in their lunch boxes {when they're young. This could be embarrassing for older kids who are just "too cool"}.
15. Turn off the TV, step away from the computer, mute your phone.
16. Go see {or rent} a movie of their choosing.
17. Write them a letter that tells them how proud you are of them.
18. Take pictures of them and keep their photo album updated.
19. Redecorate their room with or without their help.
20. Use a white board to put up daily notes to them.
21. Craft or paint with them. Create with them.
22. Ask their opinion when you can.
23. Mail them a letter in the mail.
24. Invite their closest friends over for a movie night.
25. Do their regular chore for them {every so often!}.
26. Give them a back rub.
27. Give your daughter a pedicure and manicure.

I could go on for a while but I'd love to know... what do you do with your little one to tell them you love them without words?

My Worst Fears

As any parent or spouse can attest, a regular {sometimes constant, sometimes nagging} concern is the fear of losing a child and/or spouse. It is a universal feeling and requires lots of "letting go and letting God" otherwise it can be consuming. Well, for the first time, I had a new and horrifying feeling/experience. Rather than envisioning CJ falling down the stairs, Miss Mak suffocating in her crib or Sweet Hubs getting into a car wreck... it was ME that was breathing my final breaths! This is something I was never warned about or prepared for. My mother never sat me down to tell me the "need-to-knows" of motherhood and my friends who had experienced this never gave me a heads-up about the angst of this experience. In trying to discover why I was never warned about such a thing, I came to discover that most woman feel as if they alone experienced this and that telling others would make them seem crazy. Well, crazy or not, I'm here to tell you...

This can happen! This is normal! This is terrifying!

I assume, as in all things, everyone's experience is different. For me, I was at home on the weekend and was playing with Miss Mak while Hubs was working out in the garden and CJ was sleeping. Out of no-where I felt as though I was physically taking my last breaths. That each single gulp of air I swallowed was one closer to my last. I thought of how I simply cannot die now because my kids are too young and when they grow older they won't remember me. I started to panic and think maybe this was the Lord preparing me so I ought to enjoy every single second I had, and at that time I was literally thinking minutes or even seconds. {I realize, at this moment, that most of the realizations I had that day were/are true but to face them head-on was bewildering!} I went out to the yard to tell Hubby that I was having strange morbid thoughts and that I wanted him to be prepared just in case. {I guess I now understand why people are afraid that telling others will make them seem crazy!} While giving him more details I started to tear up and didn't want Hubs to see me cry so I carried Miss Mak back into the house and stared at her for a while just in case it was my last chance to see her. Hubs, after questioning my mental stability, came in to check on me and saw me crying over Mak so he took her and started asking questions, trying to understand where this all came from. As we talked, I watched him play with Mak and felt as if I was on the outside looking in. I actually thought "This is what they'll look like when I'm not around. I hope he can find happiness without me. I know he'll take wonderful care of the kids without me." {Yeah, awful, I know!} None-the-less, I made it through that night and many nights after but that experience has lived with me. I don't think it was a call to feel as though every day is my last because there is no way one could live a sane life carrying around that kind of burden day in and day out! I believe it was a reminder that our moments are precious, don't sit on the computer all day when you could play with your kids. Don't watch TV when you could talk to your husband. Don't skip out on spending time with your friends because it's too much work to get out of the house. Do make sure your salvation is secure, don't put it off until tomorrow.

If you haven't experienced this and have no idea what I'm talking about, just write me off as a "nut-job" and come back soon for a good recipe or craft idea. If you have experienced this, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY and you're not alone. My mom had the same feelings too and said she figures it comes from realizing the weight of the responsibility you now face with a husband and/or kids. Before all of this, it was just you. You could do crazy things like jump out of planes and max out your speedometer. Now your life and your decisions affect others. You, my friend, are normal :)

Words I Desperately Needed to Hear

Two kids under two years has dulled my Type-A personality a little, on the surface at least. However, with a shallow search, my desire for perfection is lurking underneath and rears it's ugly head far too often. I have recently found that my selfish desire to have everything just the way I like it has affected my mood like a dark cloud overhead and it requires far more effort to stay cool than it should. To top off the silly frustrations like crumbs on the kitchen floor {remnant from the blessing of never having to worry about where our food is coming from} and loads of unfolded laundry {more clothes than many people own}, my sweet CJ decided it was time to potty train. A full morning of pure success lead to an early afternoon of wet undies and my patience didn't just tip-toe out the back door... it bolted into the wall a few times before crashing though the window.
I woke up in the middle of the night last night unsettled about my attitude. I am a wretched sinner. I am caught up in my own desires more than the needs of others. I grumble about the crumbs when I should be thankful for the banquet that left them. I have been wondering if this was something worth sharing... why expose my sins?... then this...
I did a search for an all-natural mommy's perspective on potty training {the first search I have done of this type} and stumbled onto a blog aptly named "The Natural Mommy". Ha! I liked what I read so I skimmed her site and this caught my eye. I couldn't have said it better.

Pleading for Perfection

I don’t know exactly when my life changed.

I don’t know when I lost control.

When the stress started mounting.

When I started yelling more.

Loving less.

I woke up one morning and didn’t like my life anymore.

The children were fighting, screaming, crying, clinging, smothering. I couldn’t demand obedience. Not even if I screamed. Which I did. A lot.

I would plead with God for patience. To be filled with His Spirit. To be a better mom. I begged. I tried. I failed. I tried harder. I failed harder.

I stopped asking.

I knew I should be reading my bible, but told myself God understood that I was busy. That I never had a moment to myself. So I didn’t have time for Him.

My heart grew colder.

The first prayer I prayed, I almost didn’t.

It was two days before Levi’s birthday - the day before his party - and his present hadn’t come yet. Josh thought it could still make it, but I had given up. And you know something’s wrong with life with Josh is the optimist of our relationship.

“Maybe we should pray for it” slipped from my mouth before it was even fully thought and I was immediately embarrassed. As if God would answer such a pitiful prayer. A meaningless request.

And yet, somehow, the thought was strengthened within me. And I prayed.

And He answered. It came.

For the first time in months, He had my attention.

That night, I hit my knees on our living room floor and begged His forgiveness for my absence. My pride. My anger. My failure as a child of God and a mother to my children.

The day after Levi’s party, on his birthday, we went to church. He wooed me fiercely with songs of a Love no sin could diminish.

The realization that it was Father’s Day brought a flood of tears as God planted the knowledge in my head that He had never left me. I had turned my back on Him. Unlike my earthly father, He was always there, waiting for me to open my eyes to see, my ears to hear.

I resolved to try harder.

And failed spectacularly.

But He remained with me, waiting for my eyes, my ears, to find him.

This morning, alone in a car, I cried out to him. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be the mother I wanted to be. Why wasn’t He helping me? Why couldn’t I do this?

I found myself in Romans less than an hour later.

He found me in Romans.

I found Him in Romans.

We met in Romans.

And He explained to me the concept of Faith. Not works. Faith. Not trying. Trusting. If I am a perfect mother in my own power, how does that glorify Him?

I need to let go.

I am letting go.

Let go with me.

Say it with me.

I am letting go of the heavy burden of perfect motherhood and letting the faith that Christ will fulfill his purpose in me wash over me.

Amen?

Do Tell {a poll of sorts}

My sweet boy, CJ, isn't even 2 years old yet and I already know that he's seriously lacking in the "tasking risks" department. Both Sweet Hubs and I agree that it's a trait we would like CJ to do without.

Yesterday, CJ and I met a few friends at the spray park for a cool down on a hot summer morning. CJ and I got to the park early and had the whole place to ourselves for a little while so I figured I'd try and get him used to the concept of shooting water as opposed to placid pools. {I will preface this story by saying that I acknowledge that, at his age, this park may be intimidating.} At any rate of flow, high strong sprays or gentle spills, CJ was all but terrified. I determined that I was not going to let my little man run away crying, especially when it was a situation I knew was safe. I picked him up and, at first, let him touch the water to show him how it didn't hurt. I did this a few times. Then he started asking to go touch but when I tried to put him down, he would cry and cling to my leg. After about half an hour of on and off water touching I finally picked him up and warned him we were "going in" and walked him under the umbrella of rain. He cried and clung to me and screamed a little but I did it a few more times despite the tears.
All of that was to set up my question{s}... When faced with the fears of your little one, how do you handle it? Do you have any recommendations or strategies? Do you have a dare-devil? Any thoughts on this, of any kind, would be greatly appreciated. I am very curious about how different parents handle a situation like this so please share!

{If you can't figure out how to comment... click on the "comments" link below this posting and you can add your comments there. Happy sharing!}

Tell 'em You Love 'em

I recently heard about a couple who sit down every New Year's Eve and write down the top 50 things about the past year.Within days of reading about that idea I was reminded of the very sweet idea of writing letters to your children for the big events in life so that your kiddos would know you were thinking about these events long before they happened {also often done when a parent doesn't think they'll be around when these events (wedding, first child, turning 30) happen}. I loved both ideas but neither seemed just right to me. One, I'm way too forgetful to conjure of 50 ideas to cover an entire year and two, writing letters for specific events seemed awfully formal for me. I wanted something more fluid, more spontaneous, more candid.

I bought one notebook for each member of our little family for the purpose of writing notes specifically meant for that person. When something happens in the day that I think I'd like to share with CJ, Miss Mak or Sweet Hubs, I write it down. For the kids, this could be anything from "you have the most beautiful smile" to "the year you were born, President Barack Obama was elected as the first African-American president". For Sweet Hubs, I could write something like "thank you for working hard outside the home so I can work hard inside our home" or "you were the sexiest man I know!". As of now, Hubby and I are the only ones who have written in the books but when the kiddos are old enough, we'll show them how to share their thoughts too.

I highly recommend this or anything like it. It is exciting to share things that are on ours minds with the kids with the intention of them reading them one day and knowing that all along, mommy and daddy are thinking of them.

We All Have THOSE Days

I can be the queen of bad moods some times. I can be just plain ugly for no reason other than my irritating sin nature. Whereas I consider my temperament to be somewhat extreme, I realize that most everyone out there deals with crabby moods or rough patches sometimes. Sometimes we just need a break from people, even the people we love. It can happen to ANYONE at ANY age and for ANY reason. Maybe a rough start to the day depleted your patience so you're running short in the afternoon. Maybe a late night kept you awake and tired OR excessive whining, mischief or disobedience from the kids has worn you down OR your dear hubby has said something you interpreted as unkind OR your boss is driving you batty. We all have those days but we don't have to react to them out of anger or impatience. We can choose to handle them in a God honoring way.

You may be familiar with many of these strategies but a little reminder doesn't hurt

In the immediate

Breathe. Let's say your kiddo has just...oh, I don't know... broken the plate you bought to tell your husband you were pregnant with your first child {clears throat}. What to do? First, DON'T SAY A WORD! Stop... take a very purposeful deep breathe. Breathe in through your nose and count to 5. Breathe out through your mouth and count to 10. {I found several suggestions for how to de-stress through breathing and I bet you could find many more if you google "stratagies to de-stress"}
Count. Start with 24 and count backwards to 9 slowly. This buys you a little time to think rationally and doing it backwards requires a little thought so you distract yourself to take the edge off your response.
Pray. Just a little quickie prayer for patience and wisdom will, once again, take your focus off the situation for just a second so you can rationally handle yourself.

If you've got a minute

Take a walk. Set a goal of a distance or number of steps and get moving. If you have the kids, throw them in the stroller and just go. Fresh air works wonders for the soul and your patience. The distraction of what's going on outside can be calming. Take note of things on the walk and share a moment of appreciation to the Lord for all the little wonders of the world outdoors.
Get some perspective. Yesterday was a particularly tough day for me for absolutely no reason at all. I woke up in a comfortable bed in a home at a comfortable temperature {despite the humidity outside}. My two beautiful babies had slept through the night. Sweet Hubby was hard at work to provide for our family. There was food in the cupboards to make a healthy, delicious breakfast and I had the whole day to do exactly what I wanted. Sweet Hubs came home for lunch {a treat I realize many people don't get to enjoy} and I vented that there were dishes in the sink that needed to go into the dishwasher which was full of clean dishes, crumbs on the floor under the cabinets that stuck to my feet which annoyed me, and that I had a lot of clothes to put away which I didn't want to. {I know, I know... you are also thinking that I live a rough life and I appreciate your pity.} So Dear Hubs rolled his eyes and told me to stop what I was doing and come sit on his lap. As I curled up into the chair with him he asked if I wanted some perspective and, after telling him "absolutely not!", he told me "There was a Holocaust and millions of Jews were slaughtered. Some people in the world don't have clean water to drink today. Some people don't own shoes. People starve to death in this world daily. Many mom's have to work and can't stay home with their kids."
Need I say more?
Smile. Laugh. It's even better when you do it in the mirror. One of the greatest pieces of advice I ever got wasYou cannot feel yourself into a way of acting but you can act yourself into a way of feeling. You may not feel like smiling or being perky in any manner, but for just a minute, fake it. Smile so big your face hurts. Laugh so loud your neighbors think you've gone crazy. I looked up a couple of sites to support this and got a long list of sites and studies that agree. {How Stuff Works; Work Happy Now; Can Smiling Make You Happy?, to name a few}
Be Thankful. Debi Pearl, the author of Created to be His Help Meet, has a lot to say about husbands and wives in her book but one of the things that I took away from the book has helped me in many situations outside of my marriage as well. Debi writes "Joy begins with thankfulness... Thankfulness is how you think; joy is the abundance it produces." The Bible, particularly Colossians, has plenty to say about being thankful. Colossians 3:15 commands it. I have found that when I'm stressing or getting upset about something, taking a moment to sit down and go through the long list of all the things I have to appreciate and, again, takes the focus off me and puts it on the blessings in life that God has given me.

For the long-haul:

Have you been in the Word lately? I ask only because that is one of the first questions I ask myself when I know my attitude is far from pleasant. I can almost always attribute my crabbiness to the fact the my devotions have been somewhat lacking. I often make the excuse that I'm a busy lady and don't have time to sit down and have a REAL devotional time of deep exhaustive prayer and meditation so I just skip it completely. WRONG! I have realized that even getting through half of a chapter is enough to get me through the day when I feel crunched for time. I am not suggesting one way or another how your should handle your devotional life. I am, however, suggesting that 5 minutes spent in the Word is far better than no time at all.
Do something for someone else. I am one of those people who happens to believe that pharmaceutical companies are makin' bank off of people who are diagnosed with depression when in reality, a dose of getting over yourself, would be more affective. {Disclaimer: everyone's case is different and I'm not a psychologist and yes, there are people who genuinely do need medical intervention. I'm just saying that I believe sometimes doctors should be skipping the pills and passing out maps to the nearest food pantry.} No matter what religious, race, or cultural background a person comes from, doing "good" unto others is accepted as a "good" thing. No matter what the motive {school requirement, "goodness" of your heart, work requirement, family tradition, religious obligation} treating someone else as you would like to be treated is good for the giver as well as the receiver. The benefits for the receiver are fairly obvious but for the giver, it gives a sense of purpose, accomplishment, pride and satisfaction. The more down and discontent you find yourself, the more you should do for others. This, AGAIN, takes the focus off YOU!

Remember... Anger happens when you don't get something you think you deserve.
By the grace of God we do not have to get what we deserve and THAT should make you smile!